I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
