the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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