It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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