I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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