maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
