I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
