he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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