D3 body, D1 cock
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
