how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
