Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
