he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
