i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
