THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
