I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
