it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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