Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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