i will never coherently bang her
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
