I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
