Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
