I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
