Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
