my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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