He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
