It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
