what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
