If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
