I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
