I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So much Jack, so little girl.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
