i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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