Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
