No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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