Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
