When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
do herpes really smell.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
