Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Vodka?
Forever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
