ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
