Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
