I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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