honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
