I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
