Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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