I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Text me some of your sweat
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
