the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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