Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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