are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
