I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
