So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
