And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
