He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
