note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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