You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
