I wish I only lived at night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
