Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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