youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
this is an emotional support booty call
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
