don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
