Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
that is very illegal...i love you.
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